i am either consumed or absent. hobbies, work, relationships, general interests, they all have had their way with me. i’ve never been much to follow through with things that i feel are non-fulfilling or unsatisfying. Ive also had a hard time partaking in things casually. The lack of dedication makes me feel incomplete.

my love affair with the internet eventually became a committed relationship. friendships, communications, interests, professional endeavors, everything has, in one way or another, evolved around it.

as of right now in my life, there isn’t a single relationship that I have that wasn’t a result of the internet. though regardless of this fact i still spent large amount of my time either socializing online, playing video games online, researching online, sharing my art online, working.. online. i always felt this was satisfying. in fact it opened up new doors, new people, and new opportunities i would have otherwise never come across.

am i thankful? without a doubt, but theres something inside me these days, thats elevated beyond my general comfort with the status quo of my life. i like face time. not everyday, not every moment, but i like face time. not only do i like face time but i like more involving hobbies. i like my hands on hobbies. my art, my car.. more and more am i drifting away from involving irc sessions and long gaming hours. fuck people who have zero effect on my bottom line. thats not to say there are still not a good handful of ppl in those worlds who are a big part of my bottom line.

i think today i am a better me than i have been in as long as i can remember. lets hope i don’t lose focus.

oh yah, i bought an elliptical trainer. yes i use it everyday for about 30min-1hour. I am aiming to use it for about 2 hours a day.